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 Yair Oerba Yun Devia

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Thursday

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Join date : 2012-02-10

PostSubject: Yair Oerba Yun Devia    Mon 13 Feb 2012, 1:36 am

~General Information~

Name: Yair Oerba Yun Devia

Nickname/Alias: Kira Kitsuren

Weight: 153 lbs

Height: 6'1 ft

Age: 24

Gender: Male

Appearance:

Clothing: //Refer to Above//

Personality:
Spoiler:
 

Voice: Liam O'Brien

~Rank/Village Information~

Classification: Leader of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist

Letter Rank: S-Rank

Village: Kirigakure No Sato

~Skill Information~

Skill Specialty: Kenjutsu // Fuinjutsu // Taijutsu

Elemental Affinity: Katon // <-- Never actually trained elemental abilities.

Special Characteristics:
Name: Master Chakra control
Rank:A
Type: Chakra
Requirements:: Requires Med specialty Dominate and no increase Chakra SC And Advence chakra control
Description: You have a understanding about the amount of chakra now you truly are a master, ou have a complete understanding on chakra, able to perform techniques with little to no fatigue. The lower the technique the more control you have over it. With naturally given talents to command the spiritual energies within you are now able to grasp the better concept of using your jutsu. As a result you can use less chakra then other for the same effect, B rank cost off of S rank jutsu and below

Name: High summoner
Rank: S
Type: Chakra
Description: You understand your creatures entirely well where they have more respect now then when you first started. Near all your summons are under your complete control and are very easy to use in tandem in battle. Your summons have become so close to you they acutally share your power, truly becoming a symbolic relationship as you gain 15% bonus to your abilities and stats as you fight along side your summon as well as your summon is 35% stronger then other summons of that rank. Requires Experienced summoner

Name: Greater hand coordination
Rank: B
Type: Physical
Description: The user is even better at hand seals now, slowly perfecting their skills to the point of faster than ninja of their rank when casting jutsu. You have smoother movements with your handseals, they are becoming more fluid, more natural to you and it is almost second nature to perform. The speed increase is 35% faster than the average shinobi(Must have Improved hand control first)


~Jutsu~

Kenjutsu
Spoiler:
 

~History/RP Sample~

History/Background Story:
Spoiler:
 

Roleplay Sample:
Spoiler:
 


Last edited by Thursday on Fri 17 Feb 2012, 1:31 am; edited 6 times in total
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Revy Izumi
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Ninja Rank: X Rank
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PostSubject: Re: Yair Oerba Yun Devia    Fri 17 Feb 2012, 2:14 am

Few problems i see..

-If you're trying to apply for an S rank leader position, you gotta add detail on your characters appearance. A picture alone really isn't enough. Describe his attire, as well as his body beneath the attire. Any scars, his muscle, skin tone, etc. Stuff like that is needed for such a high position.

-How do you have Master Chakra Control, without having Ninjutsu? Or even the medical specialty?

-That High Summoner thing needs to go. It looks like you ripped a lot of that stuff directly out of a video game. Kuchiyose is simply a Jutsu that brings the intended summon into the human world. That is all. How good you are with that Jutsu doesn't change anything about the summon. The summonings ability and power all depends on the summon itself, not on the way you summon it.

-Greater Hand Coordination, once again, this leads back to not having Ninjutsu. Kenjutsu does improve hand and finger movements quite a lot, but not exactly in this way. You can be fast with your hands, but your skill in performing hand seals wouldn't improve if you don't do them often.

____________________

Jutsu Problems~

-Ko-hibana

What is Jakutai-ka? And how do you borrow Chakra from it for this ability, rather then using your own? Lastly for this, how is that solid energy created? And what is that solid energy?

-Bakuha Nami

Judging by this description, i take it Jakutai-Ka is the name of your sword? This needs a length and width. How wide is the wave, and how far can that wave extend? Also, it may be a good idea to describe what the wave of chakra would do if it were to connect with it's target.

-Dou

This leads back to a previous question. How does Jakutai-Ka have his own pool of chakra? It also need a limit on how long it can stay up, seeing as a technique like this would probably have to be channeled, and constantly fed chakra(Possibly even more chakra in order to heal the wounds). It also need a limit on what it's capable of defending against. Up to what rank jutsu can it defend against? Those are the only problems i can currently see with it, though an ability like that, I'm not sure of. Especially without the medical specialty. Healing through pure chakra alone. Look for an approval on that by a different staff member.

-Kontan

Once again leading back to your sword. You probably should have made that before putting the app up for approval, honestly. Something like this needs to be limited a little more. How long can he continue to influence your mind? And 35% - 40% is a little to much for a C rank jutsu. This also lacks detail on what kind of enhancement it is..is it just like a boost in total strength? Speed? Yea, you can do more damage with it, but what's enhanced that gives you such an edge in combat?

-Suriru

Don't see many problems with this, aside from a duration on how long that influence remains. Since this doesn't exactly give you any benefits, aside from making you bloodthirsty. It'd make your actions more reckless, and possibly get you killed for acting in such a way. It would be fine without a duration, but explain how Yair can resist this influence, or break free from it.

-Genshuku

Dark Matter is just a no. Change it's substance to fire if you must. I don't see how it would be possibly for you to create dark matter like this.

-Giga-Genshuku

The same goes for this. Though you need to explain exactly what this technique does, and how much it is improved, compared to the original.

-Jakutai-ka: Summoning Medium

This doesn't really make much sense at all. Though once again, i need to see what this sword is before i can judge a technique like this.

________

It may have been a much better idea to create your sword before readying your app for approval.
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